It's October 2015

It's October 2015
Have You Scheduled Your Mammogram??!!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Tunnel's Open Til Noon

Several years ago, Danielle and I were out with some of our friend Hillary's grad school friends. I don't remember much of the night, maybe it started at Tap-A-Keg up near Columbia, except for when a British guy was flirting with Dani he felt compelled to show her his nipple rings--still considered cutting edge then--and admitted he fainted when he got them. He was creepy and relentlessly trying to get Dani to stay out late with him and go to the nightclub Tunnel (yes, I'm not dating us). He said in his best Cockney accent (I've really no idea if it was Cockney but it sounds better), You really aught to come to the Tunnel. It's open TIL NOON!  And to this day, for some odd reason, Dani and I not only laugh about that, partially because there was no way we were going with this guy, but we cannot even say the word noon to one another without saying, The Tunnel, it's open til noon. It's a rather silly, you-had-to-be-there-story, but when I look at this picture, it comes to mind.

At around 10:00AM today I had to throw back two vile barium barfbag fartbag sulfate suspension drinks because my scan included not just my lungs, but my GI tract, too. I was asked if banana flavor was ok as if any flavor would make this thing taste good. I don't quite remember the sarcastic remark I made but the guy next to me laughed. Turns out this young, tall, skinny guy was a rookie in the barium drink department and when we sat down, he challenged me to a race. He kicked my ass but good. I mean he guzzled those glue milkshakes down as if it were going to actually quench his thirst in this blazing hot heat. When I asked his secret, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve like a real prize winner should and  claimed he was an experienced beer drinker. He was being screened for a hernia. Eventually his mom came. When I awoke from a nap they were brainstorming names for her spa technology sales pitch to other spa owners. He seemed to have some sort of marketing background and was trashing all of his mother's ideas. So I opened one eye and cranked my head towards them and said, Energy Runs Skin Deep. Hernia Boy high fived me! They loved it! ....You know, not my bar of choice, but sometimes tossing back some gross drink and having the most toxic gas and diarrhea for a day is really to someone else's benefit.

Anyway, about two hours later I was on the bed you see in the pic. I got an IV of dye (when you get a CT with contrast, the contrast is a dye), which makes your IV hand feel cold, like your drinking metallic fluid and you're peeing in your pants. My hands were then raised above my head and I was slowly moved into the tunnel. The tunnel's open til noon.

The waiting is really the worst part. The results take 24-48 hours. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, you'll know to expect news on Monday. I'm convinced my tumors are shrinking and by winter I'll be sporting a cute pixie cut.

For now, sigh-a-nara!


Trying to be all chemo cool.
Last Thursday. Week 12 Paclitaxel.
P.S. I'm still trying to get my money back from the first wig man. He is refusing to give me a dime. Only wants me to come in and try to get a new wig. The credit card company is doing their best to side with me but because I signed something that says no refunds after the wig is made, I'm cornered. Feh. Do not recommend Joseph Paris to anyone!