TGIICGHADWIWTDD

I've a coined a new term: TGIICGHADWIWTDD or, Thank God It's I Can Go Home And Do Whatever I Want To Do Day.

This past Friday I was out with friends for happy hour(s). Great conversation, laughs, vino, atmosphere. We got into talking about how the past present future are all one. If you want to know what you did in the past, look at one you're doing today. If you want to know what you're future will be like, look at what you're doing today.

After a few hours, everyone got psyched up to hit another spot crosstown. I decided to part ways and go home myself. Them: No, no, no...come with us.... Me: No, no, no, it's nothing personal guys; I haven't been feeling great for a few days* and I think I just want to go home and relax so I can go out tomorrow. My friend, C, joked, Clearly Liz, we just want you to come out and don't care about your health, so come.

(* not feeling well was not bc related, rather a shitty case of food poisoning)

J had gone home about an hour earlier only to find himself at another bar and made sure to let me know he was having a blast. I later heard from the others the nite was fun and they got home at 1:45am.

So what brings me to write about all this?

While walking home, I knew I was doing the right this by calling it a night and I really, really wanted to finish the last two chapters of "Into The Wild" (I highly reco it as well as the movie). But this voice in my head kept saying, You "should" be going out and having the time of your life!! You dodged the bullet, Liz, rock on!!! Live like it's your last day!! Haven't you learned yet that life is short?!!?!??

I thought this for a good hour or so until I was finally comfortable in my bed (being a Murphy bed, it's got the doors open, overhead lites and shelves with pictures and books around me, it's like a little cocoon)reading this book I was enjoying so much. I was really content.

Then the next day I got the recaps of the nite and got that feeling again... why wouldn't you just go out? WHAT'S WRONG W/YOU...Don't you want to have more fun?

A few minutes later, something had agitated me. It was a phone call I got, it was actually trivial, but it bugged me.

And then I realized, OK, maybe I've gained some new perspective over the past two months, but I still am the same person, just a little scarred (pardon the pun). Certain things will still bug me, the things I like will not have changed. Maybe I'll pursue some interests that I've been meaning to get around to but took time for granted. Maybe I'll be more vocal about what I want in order to stop wasting time. But at that very moment on Friday, what I really wanted to do was go home, sink into my pillows and read the book. And I did it. And I loved it. And if that's the last thing that I want to do, so be it. I went "Into The Not So Wild" and it felt just right.

I can't wait til the next TGIICGHADWIWD.