Venus - Mars = Venus

Last night I found myself watching a fairly cheesy movie on Lifetime. Ricki Lake portrayed, Linda, a single woman who had a mastectomy and had to go back out into the dating world. She was feeling totally insecure and thought she'd never find a man who loved her and that the only way should would feel sexy and um, whole, again was if she had a man.

For the record, Lifetime movies typically make me gag but for obvious reasons I kept this one on. I must give credit where it's due. They covered the topic fairly well and the dialog was pretty realistic. One gorgeous guy after another tripping over Linda wasn't all that realistic, but I made allowances. I digress.

Recently I have not only joined the ranks of breast cancer survivors out there (man, I'm really tired of hearing that term thrown around. October is a long month)... but I am surviving BC AND a breakup! I was bitter at first although thankfully I never took on the "why me" attitude. I was just, well, bitter. And a bit sad. It was something that I knew should've happened 2-3 weeks prior to my getting the call. But aside from getting out there and "looking again," I didn't do much else it b/c I thought life would be better if I had a man in my life albeit not the right man. And before any of you men reading this think that this is point where I start male bashing, it's not at all. This man was a gentleman who offered me a lot of support and whose conversation and humor I really enjoyed, but in my heart, I knew it wasn't going to work. That being said, it really wasn't going to work b/c he "ran into an old friend." Whether or not it's true, and I'll never know, it still hurt because a) I hate abrupt good-byes, b) my ego was bruised and c) it wasn't done on MY terms.

So there I lay manless and tumorless and I still have this treatment road ahead of me for which the decision process is not easy. Sigh. Heavy sigh ... oh, woe is me. Cancer would be soooo much better if I had a man telling me that I'm beautiful. Wouldn't it?

A few weeks ago I went to my elementary school's 80th anniversary. I saw my 3rd, 5th and 6th grade teachers all of whom I remembered and they remembered me. It was a great day. It was as if time stood still. The only difference was I was bigger and all the rooms and desks seemed smaller. Upon seeing my 6th grade teacher, Barbara H., we hugged and she made me cry as a result of her excitement in seeing me; I told her all the things that I'll never forget she taught me. (She jokingly asked if I'd speak at her funeral). Just yesterday--prior to turning on the cheesy Lifetime movie-- I got a card from Barbara in which she wrote, "...You still have the grace and beauty that you had in sixth grade...". This immediately brought me to tears.

It occured to me that with or without Mars, I really am OK. My sixth grade teacher told me so!

As you can imagine, Linda gets her man at the end of the movie, but not until she's suffered a lot of growing pains.

Thanks all for being there while I go through mine.

;>)