Well, here it is. The latest edition to my nighttime regimen. Tamoxifen 20mg. Take once a day with or without food. For five years. This should be a clue as to my final decision to use or not use chemo as part of my treatment plan. If you remember, one would only start this drug if s/he did not do or else finished chemo.
Today I called Dr. Malamud and told him that I am refusing the chemo. This was not met with any good or bad reaction. I think he was ready to hear it. We just discussed next steps. That is, he will fill my Rx for Tamoxifen and I should see him within 3-4 weeks of beginning radiation. As for the latter, mea culpa, I should've have made an appt for my SIM (simulation) already but with all that was on my mind, I simply forgot. I suppose at one point I thought I may do chemo and would have a few months before the appt was necessary. Regardless, I left a message with the rad's (that's cancer talk for radiologist) office requesting a date and should hear back tomorrow.
Tamoxifen (ta-MOX-i-fen)
Common uses: This medicine is an anti-estrogen used to treat or prevent breast cancer. It may also be used to treat other conditions as determined by your doctor.
BEFORE USING THIS MEDICINE: WARNING: Tamoxifen rarely may cause serious (possibly fatal) side effects. These include cancer of the uterus (endometrial cancer and uterine sarcoma), as well as strokes and blood clots in the lung (pulmonary emboli). Tell your dr. immediately if you develop: vaginal bleeding, irregular or abnormal menstrual periods, groin pain or pressure, chest pain, trouble breathing, one-side weakness. If you are taking this medicine for prevention of breast cancer .... discuss w/ your dr. the risks vs the benefits... However, if you are taking T for treatment of breast cancer, the proven benefits clearly are greater than the risk of side effects. Consult.......... blah blah........blah blah........
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Side effects that may go away during treatment include hot flashes, leg cramps, UTIs ....women stuff, women stuff, women stuff.... If they continue.... consult....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...sharpen steak knives...zzzzzzzz...
Well, let's hope I fall into the positive stats of ER+ tumors/invasive cancer from being prevented.
I spoke to a woman today who has another six months left on this drug. She said other than weight gain and slightly thinning hair --remedied with more cardio and extensions respectively-- she didn't experience too many bad side effects although the first night on the drug she had a pounding headache that wouldn't go away and she went somewhat hysterical, crying, sobbing, and felt out of control.
When I questioned Dr. Malamud if this is normal, he replied, I HOPE you have that feeling for only one day!
When I asked about the likelihood of uterine cancer, he said, 1:10,000. (These are odds I can live with).
What if I get bad headaches? Take Tylenol, avoid aspirin.
So, I'm entering what will kind of feel like menopause but won't actually be menopause. (Of course some side effects are worse with some than others.) The "antiestrogen" intercepts the estrogen from the estrogen receptor on the surface of cancer cells, preventing estrogen from entering the cell and stimulating growth. (Growth leads to tumor).
As you know, every drug has its side effects. We make fun of those Viagra and myriad drug commercials constantly. Although after reading those of Tamoxifen I haven't been thrilled with the idea of taking it, I know I have to do something conventional. With the use of this drug is how I come to only a 13% chance of recurrence within ten years. Those are the odds I was weighing against doing the chemo or not.
I thought I'd be somewhat relieved after I spoke with the dr. I was as far as finally voicing my decision, but I felt a little wilted and got a little teary eyed walking to the pharmacy to pick up my new hormone therapy. Who the hell wants to take this stuff? No one. But after tearing through the stack of books that arrived from Amazon today, I know this is what's available right now and it's going to fight the cancer. My situation can certainly be far, far worse than it is. Nonetheless, I am more drained from this past week than I have been since hearing about my diagnosis.
For now, I know everything will be all right but my spirit's a little busted up. I'm sure this will turn itself around in a just a couple of days (if the drug doesn't make me insane). As a matter of fact I'm going to see "A Chorus Line" tomorrow night. You remember the song, "Tits and A-aaasss, yes, tits and..."
Can I ever escape this topic?!
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